Den Amerikanske forfatter Mark Twain, eller Samuel Langhorne Clemens som han faktisk hed, kunne mere end sine “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn”. Han var kendt som en humorist af international kaliber og tjente de fleste af sine penge på tournè (en form for tidlig stand-up). Her er en række perler, der faktisk stadig holder, trods de mindst 100 år der er gået.
- Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
- The difference between the right word and the almost right word is really a large matter — it’s the difference between a lightning bug and the lightning.
- The report of my death was an exaggeration.
- I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
- He is a stranger to me, but he is a most remarkable man — and I am the other one. Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known, and I know the rest.
- The only reason why God created man is because he was disappointed with the monkey.
- In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
- To my embarrassment, I was born in bed with a lady.
- Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
- Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
- I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
- Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
- If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.
- A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.
- Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes time and annoys the pig.
- I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
